Egyptian Traditional Stuffed Pigeon. Yes I ate it. Yes it was tasty, but a bit greasy...
We are flying down the Freeway. I still cant believe the things that I am witnessing. Kids playing on the freeway, dogs running across the freeway, people changing tires in the middle fast lane. Some of the buildings around the freeway have no facade, feral dogs inside running rampant hunting rats. I see three kids riding on the same motorcycle down the freeway, no helmets. I cant believe my eyes. Im anxious to get back to the hotel. Very anxious, and Bekkah can tell. I think this is the tenth beginning of the end of our friendship.
We get up to the hotel room. My nerves are shot, and she knows it. She asks me if I want to stay in the hotel instead of coming to dinner. I reply “No, I want to go with you guys.” The plan for dinner is a restaurant that was recommended to me by a really cool egyptian girl named Hayhat that I met at a birthday party in Basel, Switzerland. She was super nice and recommended that I go there and try the traditional stuffed pidgeon. There is no way I am going to miss eating pidgeon. I heard it was good, and I have my mind set on eating it.
Bekkah continues to ask me if I want to stay in the hotel, and I reply no once more, twice more, three times more, four times more. She obviously is trying to get rid of me, and I don’t understand why. She says “I can tell that you are going to have an anxiety attack, and I think you might just want to stay here.” I reply “I dont though. I want to go eat a pidgeon!” I decided its Beer-O-Clock and I head down to the lounge, and have a couple sakkara’s and a shot of Johnny walker. I bring the ipad, and do some facebooking, and check out funny stuff on Reddit. I am feeling alot better.
I climb the stairs up to the hotel room, and go in. Instantly I see Bekkah’s friend heather sitting there. Heather is a big girl. Not pretty at all. A caucasian girl probably pushing 300 pounds, long blonde hair, I dont remember the color of her eyes. I shake her hand. Hello, Im Nigel. Pleased to meet you. Bekkah asks me again, “Are you sure you want to go?” This is a big red flag for me. I am wondering why the fuck she wants to get rid of me so badly. Its starting to anger me. I cannot stand being asked the same thing over and over. Broken record status. I want to go eat a pidgeon, and I am going to eat a pidgeon. Thats the decision. Im felling a nice relaxing buzz from the lounge. I go to change my shirt, and Heather asks me if she should leave. I reply “No your’s fine, I don’t mind if you see my tits.” This instantly angers Bekkah. I thought it was harmless. What does it matter if her friend sees me topless anyway. Its not like im helicoptering in front of here for crying out loud. From then on I get the one word treatment the rest of the time from bekkah. Im pissed at her for being a broken record, she’s pissed at me for showing heather my tits, and coming along with them. Fuck it. Im still going to have a good time. We meet John and Sophia, get directions to Felafel (the restuaruant) and head out. Heather and Bekkah are walking side by side the whole time, and I feel banned from the set.
We have a little trouble finding the Restaurant, but eventually we find it. Its a very nice looking restaurant. I only see western people eating there. It must be the type of place the average egyptian cant afford. Its clean and beautiful. The wood carving is pretty amazing everywhere.
I sit next to bekkah during dinner. I notice her texting, I manage to catch a glimpse of one of her replies: “I cant right now” it says. I ask her if its the guy she went to jordan with. She says no. I cant help but to feel sick. It angered me that she is hiding things, from me. I ask her who she is talking to, and her response is “no one.” What a bitch move. I really cant stand that. I can’t keep my adrenalin from rushing. Im offended. The pigeon arrives. Im starving. Its been a long day and the last thing I ate was the Koshary. The pigeon has hardly any meat on it, but its tasty. These pigeons are bread for human consumption, they aren’t just some random flying rat off the street. Someone makes a joke about the pigeon coming to life. I can’t resist the urge. I grab my half eaten pigeon and make it hop around on one leg onto Bekkah’s plate. I think to myself what the hell. Why not just make an ass of myself. I have already been discarded. Fuck it. I might as well hammer the last nail in the coffin.
This is probably the tenth ending of our friendship, and the destroyer of any chance of us having a relationship. Im sick of her at this point too. Im sick of my niceness being mistaken for weakness, and Im sick of being used, and walked on. We agreed that I would come to egypt as friends. My real friends back in florence warned me “Do not go to egypt for the wrong reasons,” and obviously coming even just to be friends with this stray was a huge mistake, as I knew it would be. I don’t even get why I made any effort to talk to her from the rest of this trip. I should have stayed at the hotel, instead of going back to Maadi to her apartment. At least I saved 100 dollars by doing so. I don’t know why I put all my eggs in one basket with this woman. Well, thats I lie. I know why I still try.
The Bekkah that kinda still exists in my mind. Isn't she just Beautiful? This picture makes my eyes well up...
I have this idealized vision of how she used to be. The first two years of our relationship were the happiest times of my life, and Im still hanging on to that. I shouldn’t be but I am, and I kick myself for this as much as men think about sex daily. Eighty times a day perhaps? We used to get along so well. Barely ever fought. Great sex often. She was incredible. I loved how girly she is. Always wanting to get new shoes. Oh my god shoes. She has an obsession with Lush, the extremely fancy, and expensive soap company. I like my women to smell good. I like them the smell better than flowers, and Bekkah definitely was into that. She always smelled amazing. To me for the most part she always looked amazing. I loved watching her sleep, and watching her wake up in the morning. I loved getting in a morning love…
Bekkah laughing, in the park down the street from White Walls Gallery on our Glorious trip to San Francisco with Mike Adame
She was absolutely perfect for the first two years. In Fresno she drove a silver Volkswagen Beetle she named Ella Hammett Jackson (how cute) with polished special edition wheels. She had sirius satellite radio, which has the best Indie Rock radio station ever. It never left that channel, and it was always thumpin. It was a joy to ride with her in the car. She is a great driver and I found that to be a huge turn on. Throughout the course of those two years somehow she got in a couple accidents, so perhaps she wasn’t really the driver I thought her to me. But when I rode in the car I always felt safe. We liked taking road trips to San Luis Obispo, and Los Angeles, San Francisco. It was great times. I loved driving her car too. It’s the turbo version of the New Beetle. I big load of problems. Something was always going wrong with that car. It was always breaking down. Making strange sounds. Getting hit and runs, or rear ended. It was cursed. I always told her she needed to sell it and get a more reliable car. She still owns it. At least she paid it off.
The first time I came over her house it was late at night. And she talked me into coming over. She wanted it. Upon stepping into her room I further fell in love with her. It was OCD flawless. I was super impressed. She was so super hot.
When I broke my leg in half by getting hit by a car on my electric bike, she stuck through it all. And put up with me and my mood swings. I hurt her feelings a number of times, because I was snap because of the excruciating pain I was in. The day I got hit she arrived at the hospital right away, along with Timber, and Newka, and my dad. It marked the beginning of how I am sitting here in Bekkah’s apartment in Maadi, Cairo. I found the Florence Academy in 2006 or so, but never got around to applying until 2009. I didn’t think I was good enough. Fancy that.
I met her on Huntington Blvd. in Fresno, at my dear friend Mike Adame’s Moving to Oakland Party. I saw her with some people across the street from Mikes mother’s house, and I approached her and talked with them a little bit, and soon I asked her if she had a myspace. She did, and I got her name, and sent her a friend request the next day. It took her a week or so to accept it because she and her family went to Hawaii the day after the party if I remember correctly. She visited me at Teazer, the tea house I worked at a couple times after that. She tried to hook me up with her friend Heidi. I had no interest in Heidi at all. Sorry Heidi. Eventually I get a text in the morning. “Hello!” It was from Bekkah. We text back and fourth that morning. Soon I get a text saying “We should date!” I reply when do you want to come over? It was some time in 2006, so its a bit fuzzy to me now, but I think she came over the next night. We may have drank a bottle of wine, and talked for a couple hours. I eventually asked. “Can I kiss you now?” This is when I found out what an awesome kisser she is. I know there are other’s out there that are just as good. But I really liked her. A lot. Rats. Its brutal when two people are ripped apart by the way they change.
Bekkah Sleeping - An older painting of mine from back in the day... I love her lips...
I loved her with all my heart. And even though I am saying things that are pretty shitty about her in all of this, the pilot lite is still lit. But sadly she is never going to magically revert to how she used to me. We both have gone through to much with eachother. Too many fights. Too much heartache. The relationship is faded and dead. I cant stand to even look at her anymore, and Im glad she is at work away from me, as I sit here and write this in her apartment in hell.
I guess the question at this point, is “Nigel, why are you divulging all this information on your website? Why did you write over 15,000 words about someone you cant even stand any more? This is a purge of the last five years. This is how Im getting over it all. I am feeling better and better as I write this. Im writing it all in text edit on my laptop, and I can’t wait to post it on my website and insert all the photos that I have taken. A purge this big cant just be swept under the rug, and bottled up. I think that would be most unhealthy for me. At best I hope the world finds my life as an artist an interesting temporary escape.
I have had enough time to think about why Bekkah liked me so much for in the beginning. I lived in the pearl building in downtown Fresno, which was built by my friend Reza Assemi. I lived in studio A. Its a very decent size studio apartment, with skylights, and an awesome back patio. I had all my paintings proudly hung up, and everything was pristine clean. It was rather impressive. I owned a Nissan 240sx, and a Ford Explorer 4WD. I built my own bikes, which were hung up on the wall. My neighbor was a guy named Dr. Josh, and I was basically living the equivalent life of him, only with more time and more fun. I had been making my own absinthe and beer, at the time. I am quite the renaissance man. And she saw this. She was quite impressed. She asked how I managed this all. I laughed. I dont remember my reply. It was sarcastic as hell if I remember correctly. I was really just hustlin’ selling paintings, and absinthe, and working at the tea house.
My home made Absinthe, made in the pearl building. Bekkah loved this stuff
I made fantastic Absinthe. Even people who said they hated liquorice flavor told me that it was the best alcohol the had ever tasted. A guy came over to buy a bottle, and he said he had been doing coke earlier. I served him a complimentary glass. Try before you buy. He was blown away. He said it felt better than cocaine. What a strange compliment. I have never done coke and never will. That is completely off limits for me. Ill stick to the simpler vices. Beer or Absinthe for example.
Bekkah would come over in-between jobs to play mind games with me. Sometimes I would tell her to leave. Sometimes we would kiss. Sometimes I would play along. Sometimes she was totally wierd in the beginning. I think I liked that for some reason. She worked at Starbucks and the City of Fresno inside city hall. I guess I worked alot too. All kinds of multiple jobs. Art, Tea, Absinthe, buying and selling bikes. Random stuff. It was fun times. I cant wait to settle down again. I think Im done with travelling for a while. I cant wait to get home and start all over. I know when I do that Ill have a better woman come along. I wonder if she is reading this.
This is why this is all so hard for me. I just wish I could re-experience the old times. To have the old Bekkah back. Not the one with the gimpy pinky finger, and has walls up so high only the sweetness of an egyptian man can climb. Its quite a loss for me. Its clearly never going to happen. victory for my Dad and my friends. They are getting me back after five long years.
So after the pigeon hopping around the table on one leg incident. I finish the pigeon, and we hang out there for a little bit. I enjoy talking to John and Sophia. They are genuinely cool people. Heather on the otherhand I dislike mainly because of the things that Bekkah has told me about her. Bekkah makes her out to be a slut, and tells me about how she dates and sleeps with all these egyptian dudes, which I find as repulsive as cairo. I don’t even like looking at her pig nose. Its mean to say but its how I feel. I have the right to an opinion. Its her birthday today, and Felafel gives her some awesome egyptian desert. I dont know what it was but its hella good. Im offered some. I reply “Don’t mind if I do!” It was excellent. Thanks heather for the desert. Sorry about how Bekkah, one of “your best friends” likes to talk shit about you, and sorry I had to post it on my website. Birds of a feather flock together, and Bekkah and her are really great friends now. It disgusts me. Just one more reason that I never want to see Bekkah ever again at this point.
After desert we leave the restuarant. I want to go back to the hotel, but I am dragged to Tahir Square, exactly where there is lots of protesting and occasional violence. Im not feeling it at all and I start feeling sick to my stomach. I really want to leave this place, and have no business there. I would have just walked back to the hotel, but I don’t know for sure how to get back. I ask bekkah if we can go back, and she refuses.
This is exactly why I didn't want to be in Tahir Square - Thankfully it was peacefull while we were there. Everyone in the square was having a good time drinking soda....
That is super messed up on her behalf. Coax me into coming to egypt, and begin acting like a bitch, take me to Tahir Square. Such bullshit. I am livid. I am far too nice to that girl. A canadian just got shot in southern egypt the other day, and I am not feeling like joining him yet.
I grab a soda, and buy am egyptian flag sweat band. And we make a circle around Tahir Square to see if one of us can hopefully catch a stray bullet.
Tahir Square Protests - Photo Credit: Reuters
Alas we got away unscathed. Finally we make our way back to the hotel. Bekkah leaves with heather. I go back to the lounge to drink off some of the stress and celebrate not getting shot. Thank god. Eventually I go back up to the hotel room and take a shower. As Im getting out, Bekkah arrives. The first thing out of her mouth was. “We need to talk.” My response is “I agree” We talk. It was total bullshit. She chews me out about the pigeon, she chews me out for showing heather my tits. Then she gets to the infuriating part. She tells me she has been seeing someone, but I was the last person that she slept with. I think this is total bullshit. I see other girls all the time, it doesn’t mean anything at all. Its just us hanging out. No big deal. She was clearly just trying to piss me off. That is super messed up. Why be malicious like that. Intentionally trying to get to me. I think she said goodnight once, maybe twice at he most since I got here. If you do that to anyone. You are messed up. We talk some more and I do damage control as much as possible. And I head back down to the lounge to hang out some more, and go on reddit and facebook. Reddit is the best website ever. Don’t go on it.
After the lounge, I head back up to the room. She’s pretending to be asleep. I know when she is sleeping, and she wasn’t sleeping. “Goodnight” I tell her. No response. I turn on the first episode of East Bound and Down. Kenny Powers does me the favor of crying himself to sleep so I don’t have to. Sorrow loves company.
The next morning is still awkward. I give her more treats to try and liven up her mood. Sophia and John go to the Islamic art museum, and I could care less, even though its probably cool. I just want to get out of downtown cairo, and now that Im Maadi. I want to go back to downtown to the hotel to get away from Bekkah.